As I sit here at my desk, John Mayer popped up on my IPod singing "Stop This Train". Unfortunately, although I've rummaged everywhere and I KNOW I just saw it last week, I cannot find the remote to my dock, so the only way to skip over it like I usually do is to get up and go over there, and Lord knows that's just too much to ask. So here I am, listening, balling as I always do, no matter how many hundreds of times I hear it. It brings to the surface how much I want my Dad, and my Mom, and to see my siblings more often, and to not be 35 and feel like I have absolutely nothing figured out, and how much I wish sickness and loss and sadness did not have to exist, and how I wish I had a magic pod that would allow me to travel instantly to see good friends that I don't get to spend nearly enough time with, and how I don't ever want to go one day without seeing or talking to all 3 of my girls, although I know it's inevitable and it's going to be here long before I want it to. OK, whew, the whiney-cry-fest will now cease and desist!
So, you may ask, what's been going on since the end of January?!? Well, since my last post described my journey in returning back to work, I guess that tells some of the story. Talk about overwhelmed! Not sure if that is ever going to get better, but I can say that I am in a better place on July 6th that I was on February 6th! Have I mentioned lately that I work with the best people on the planet?!?
Otherwise, we have just gotten caught in our daily life survival mode, and boy does this train move FAST most days. Homework, dance and gymnastics, art lessons, church, birthday parties, meetings, doctor appointments, therapy appointments, more doctor appointments, more therapy appointments, being on the phone making appointments, refilling prescriptions, forgetting to pick them up, etc. etc. etc.{ I have to add at this point that one of my favorite things on the planet right now is the Walgreens app that allows you to scan the barcode on medications and it instantly submits them for refills.Two thumbs up!} Although it is a crazy, tiresome life, I have been so grateful to be back to our "real life" with Clark along for the ride.
She is doing GREAT! It is so hard to believe that in less than a month, the day her Dad and I have prayed and longed for will be here. She's going to be ONE! As much as we've never wanted to rush time, we have been told by so many healthcare professionals "by the time she's one, things are going to be much better", that we couldn't wait to be there, for her sake more than ours! She was cleared at the beginning of June for us to begin to feed her more than just formula. And let me tell you, girlfriend is all about some food. She is definitely her parents' daughter! We have been trying to make a daily balance of the risk of trying any food with any amount of texture to the safety of keeping her airway and esophagus open and clear. Most days, we keep that balance in check. Other days, a teeny piece of chicken creeps in and causes 12 hours of trauma. Again, not wishing time away, but I CANNOT wait until she can tell me when food is stuck and when I can reason with her to chew more and drink more often. I also long for the day that we can be in public without people assuming that she has the croup or some other deathly communicable disease that will surely be passed on to themselves or their children. Not sure that one is ever going to come, but at least she will be old enough to educate them if questions are asked. Bryant and I comment daily that she really is the best baby on the planet! She is also very sweet and funny and brings so much light into our home! Our lives would definitely not be complete without her.
How are the other two?
Well, tomorrow is Jayda's 10th birthday. Yes, I said 10! Double digits, last year of elementary school, 10!! I am telling you, this one is rough. I guess I almost feel like we are crossing this threshold of what may or may not look similar to Alice in Wonderland scenes and we just have to hold on and pray until we make it out to the other side. When I think about the next 8-10 years, all the changes we will all go through, all the firsts, all the trust and faith we will have to muster up, all the freedom we will have to give, I just about get nauseous. I just hope we get to the other side and none of us has lost our "muchness". However, I just know it's going to be all good in the end because she truly is an AWESOME person. She is so bright and loving and attuned to those around her and articulate and compassionate. She has become a wonderful helper to us and her sisters simply adore and idolize her. When I allow my mind to sit in the thoughts of all she has overcome, I just can't help but praise God and marvel at her strength.
As a family, we have had an exciting summer. We got a travel trailer and have been fortunate to spend time together away from the distractions of home: chores, TVs, work, computers. We have a couple more trips planned in the next month and are looking forward to lots of quiet and quality time together just "being". Getting a camper is something Bryant and I have wanted and talked about for the past few years and, although we still aren't sure if it was the smartest decision financially, we felt like we wanted to take advantage of every second we could milk out of these girls while they still want to be around us and we thought this would be a great way to do it.
Hopefully this will not be the only blog post that I get to in the next 6 months, but if you don't hear from me for a while, please assume it's because we are doing something like this:
